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I just realised that I am still not ready. 3 years had gone by but I am still not ready. This scares me. I had always dreamed of doing this. I am convinced that I can do it. But now, I don't know. It scares me on how much the future depends on me, us. I am scared that I could not touch them. Or they don't understand what I taught. Or I couldn't inspire them. But right now, I am struggling, really struggling . Really.

welcome back, dear!! thanx for da presents =) I love it~ <3

right now, i am very much afraid. afraid that we will drift apart. what happen while i was away? can't you tell me whatever it is bothering you? can't you tell me what it is you want? we can talk. i am here. always here. but what had happened till it turn this way? please talk. you are still young. and you are still my family despite everything i said. i love you.. talk..  please...

ehem, pergi melancong tu, jgn lpe belikn something untuk sy~ kesiannnnn sy~ kne tinggal sorg kt sini. diulangi, siannnnnnn syyyy~~ *pnjg 3 harkat  hahaha~ x delah,  jz kidding. juz be careful, take care, paling pnting, jaga mata dan hati tu. tkut tertinggal kt sana, ada yg kne langkau laut china selatan untuk ambik balik yg trtinggal tu~ ;P

today marks the start of holidays~ though i have already started the holidays on monday~ *evil smirk so,  lovely people, please take care n stay safe during this school hols, enjoy your holidays, but make sure to fill it with memorable and useful projects. examples: learn to:  cook bake sew gardening cultivate good habits volunteering  youth camp basically anything that will give you new and useful experiences. as for me, i decided to improve my cooking and sewing skills.  plus, practice being a teacher to my siblings. muahaha~ *evil smirk juz kidding, i want to be ready. becoz next sem,  we will start our practicum, and my mentor is a meticulous person that i have had a chance working with. so i wanted to make sure i am ready for it.  but that's another story. for now, let's relax and enjoy our holiday =)

=.= what happened just now was i felt like i was sucked into the world of unknown. really, no kidding. the questions were not normal. they were mutant. mutant questions!! runnnnn for your life!!! * please imagine questions with arms and legs chasing u~ oh well, no use talking bout it. let us worry for the next ones~ writing, please be nice ;)

asmaul husna is also known as names of Allah there are 99 names each with their own meaning and benefits if you recite them hope you can benefit from them~ 1. Ar - Rahman  The All - Merciful  repeat this name 100 times after each fardu (Obligatory) prayer will have good memory, a keen awareness, and be free of a heavy heart. 2. Ar - Rahim The All - Beneficient repeat this name 100 times after each Fajr (Early Morning) prayer will find everyone to be friendly towards him and he will be safe from all worldly calamities. 3. Al-Malik The Absolute Ruler  repeats this name many times every day after the morning prayer. Will become rich by the grace of Allah. 4. Al-Quddus The Pure One The heart of those who repeat this name 100 times each day will be free from anxiety. 5. As-Salam The Source of Peace He who repeats this name 160 time to a sick person, will help him to regain health. He who repeats this name frequently will be sa...

salam 1 Muharram~  in case you are wondering what Muharram is, since Islamic year is counted by lunar year, Muharram is the 1st month in Islam, this month is also the month that is considered sacred to muslims. this is based on surah At - Taubah, verse 36 "Four of them ( Zil-Qadah, Zil-Hijjah, Muharram and Rajab) are sacred." out of the four sacred months, Muharram has been blessed with certain specific virtues:-   The Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) said: "The best of fasts besides the month of Ramadhan is the fasting of Allah's month of Muharram." (Muslim) In another Hadeeth, Hazrat Ibn Abbas (Radhiyallahu-Anhu) reports: "that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) said: "The one that keeps a fast in the month of Muharram will receive the reward of thirty fasts for each fast (in this sacred month)." (Tabraani) so, we muslims should take the advantage.  anyway, we start our 1s...

or also known as Stories for Young Learners, this paper marked the start of my examination. overall,  i don't really satisfied with my answers. i don't know what i wrote. or even i wrote anything at all....  ( -_-) if people said i didn't study, i will yell "NO, i DID study!" because i DID. study, i mean. with my friends. really~ we discussed potential questions and what each of us don't understand.  oh well, que sera sera, what will be, will be. let's just focus on our next subject,  which is kinda hard, because it is all about technology, which is hard for me, for i am ... well, the word nowadays is "NOOB" *shrugging whatever, i will just read and try my best~ pray for me, please?  thank you =)

she had arrived. alhamdulillah. after 3 months of semester break, adiq had to go back to cairo again. alhamdulillah,  egypt seemed calm enough, so she had to return to continue her study again. her flight was on Oct 26th, 3 a.m. yep, people. 3 a.m. n no, i am not kidding. luckily, she wasn't alone. there were 2 of her friends,  1 being our adopted sister,  while the other 1 is a guy, whom i suspected is adiq's crush. hahaha~  it was funny looking at him. maybe he was nervous seeing our family. a boisterous family. i hope we didn't scare him.  hehehehe~ right after she entered the boarding door, we headed home. so, adiq, please be careful, stay safe n study smart.  kakak loves you =)

May you have a very meaningful aidiladha~  i went home for this celebration, but since the holiday was just for monday n tuesday, ayah said no need to balik Johor~ oh well, never mind. i'll go home later~ ibu cooked tomato chicken and also sup tulang~ we (the 6 of us), the siblings ate fullheartedly. i don't know why but we acted like we were really hungry =.=' haha~ but that made ibu really happy =) seeing us eating like x cukup food. haha~  anyway, i wish you have a very enjoyable aidiladha =)

alhamdulillah, just got home from KRS camp. KRS stands for Kadet Remaja Sekolah, maybe if i were to translate it into English, it would be "Teen School Cadet"? hahahahaha~ how funny is that~~ well, only 16 /37 of us went there. but 10 of us, including me, had to go there a day earlier. we had to go there on Friday, while the rest on Saturday. there goes another weekend. throughout the week leading to the camp, i had a very mixed feeling. 1. i was mad. really mad. i only got to know about this on monday n i had already promised ibu to go home. y? because my cousin is having his wedding ceremony. in malay culture, u need to go to any wedding you are invited, cause that is respect to other people. in return, they will come to yours. so, of course i am mad when i had already promised people, but i couldn't go because of this thing. but i had discussed with ibu, i will take a bus straight to johor after i finished the camp. which in the end i didn;t, because i...

berapa kali dipujuk hati, "jangan dilayan rasa sakit itu." tapi degilnya hati, tetap juga sakit, dipujuk lagi hati, "hati, jangan berdegil." namun, degilnya hati, tetap dengan rasa sakitnya juga. sudahlah hati, kau seorang yang merasa sakit itu, orang lain tidak tahu, tahan sahajalah, sudah tidak lama, selepas ini, lepaskan segala, terbanglah kau ke langit, biar disana dan jangan turun lagi, tiada siapa yang tahu.

alhamdulillah, kawad dpt no 2. beza markah cme 2.5 je =) nmpk x kehebatan kami, bdk KRS? hahaha~ riak plak dh. tp memg bersyukur, coz tinggal 1 je lg assignment.. lps ni, leh concentrate pd exam plak. harapnya masih boleh naikkn lagi mrkh sewktu exam.. in sha Allah, akn diusahakan. mohon doa~

sakittt~~ langsung x leh gerak. bahagian betis tu keras. n sakit dia tu bagaikan kaki tu dipulas sehabis pulas. last time kne mse prgi PICC tu.. kne mse tdo plak tu. memg menangis. everytime kne pun mst menangis cewek betul =.=' tp serius owhhhh,  memg sakit, Allah, brtahan T.T

ok, kali ni sy nk meluahkan rasa mengenai telefon. umum tahu yg semua org mempunyai telefon bimbit. kadang bkn satu tetapi 2. tak cukup telefon bimbit, beli pula samsung / android tab. tapikan, yg menjadi masalah, bila ada telefon tp x prnh dpt nk dihubungi. perghhh, menyirap rasa hati. kalau x de kredit/ silent phone, kita boleh phm lg. tp ni bkn jenis suka silence phone tp memg susah dihubungi. dhlh susah dihubungi, asyik tkr2 no lg. sedar diri menyusahkan org tp still nk buat jgk. phm x, org call bkn nk sje mengacau, org call sbb ada urusan. kau pergi tkr no, kdg tu dlm 2/3 kali sebulan, menyusahkn org tau. kau buat apa dgn no2 tu? ishhh, geram tau x. sy pun bknnye jnis angkt telefon sgt coz sy slalu silent. tp paling kurang, sy x tukar no bnyk2. tlglh, tlg jgn buat mcm ni. if ada kecemasan, memg nahaslah. ni bkn nk mendoa tp nk jelaskn situasi kecemasan, mcm ibu bapa/ famili laen excident, tp kita unreachable, tau pun lpas org lain kne dtg n inform, x ke meny...

kau nk tau apa aku rsa?  aku rse mcm kne tikam dgn blkg.  dgn org yg aku fikir kwn.  seriuslah, aku x phm apa sbnrnya dlm otak kau. aku ckp baik2,  ko bls bahasa kasarkn? aku mnx baik2, ko bls dgn cara kasarkn? boleh jekan kau ckp baik2.  ko fikir aku ni apa?  barang permainan sesuka hati kau? kau nk minx tlg, kau baik2 dgn aku. selain dr masa tu, kau buat taik dgn aku? lps ni, ikutlh apa kau nk. mls dh aku nk lyn.  kau pergi minx dgn wanita pujaan kau tu. yg baik mcm angel tu. aku ni mcm jntan, jd x lyk untuk diminta tlg.  penat je aku pujuk hati selama ni, walau kau lyn atau ckp kasar mcm mne pun, aku boleh nmpk kebaikan kau. tp rsanya cukuplah. smpai sini je aku boleh brtahan.  kau dan aku kosong.  lepas ni, kita dh x de pape.  baik kawan atau apa.

this is the lesson i learnt today: 1. when you are in group, do your share of work. it's a group work. of coz you had to do some of the work. if you are not around to help, ask them about the progress AND OFFER FOR HELP. while it may not be satisfying to those who bend their back to finish the work, they will think that you are responsible enough to ask around. DO NOT ACT STUPID. i wish i can tell what i think to those people buttt i wan't even that hardworking enough, so i lost my guts to say that. 2. it is much better to be known as  a blunt person. i prefer this than bottling up. but in my 8 years working around people, i had come to learnt that society takes too much notice in whatever you do and say. so i started to learn in bottling feelings. i wasn't like that before. i will be blunt because i want people to know that i am being honest (in a way). how i yearn to be like what i used too. right now, i would say it is too late (maybe) to start being blunt again. ...

you know what?  i don't even know what is wrong here. all i felt is i made a mistake. again. yes, again. i am emo, i am sarcastic.  i am too fierce. i am too flighty. you know what i get from all this?  i get the feeling of being too troublesome.  just like what a person said to me, "sometimes, i am too used of being used, too used of being hurt, too used of being laughed, too used to hold it in, i lost my heart."   (A, 2013)  but, i am not letting this takes me down. i don't care anymore, do whatever you want. say whatever you want. i am me,  i am trying, n  how much tears i shed in the past, am shedding right now or will shed in the future, i will try to be me and happy. we are done here.

hahaha~  yup,  today's topic is going to be about Romeo n Juliet ;) well,  today, around 45 - 52 of us (B.Ed Tesl 2) went to KLPAC to see this performance.  oh wow, it was really nice andddddd shocking~ y? it's a secret. sorry, people. it was too scandalous to be written here.  but,  i swear it was something interesting ;P  went there by car, juz me, shakir, pau2 n val.  supposedly, nanun came too but she had some family problem. overall, i gave 10 / 10 due to the scandalous scenes and the good interpretation of the play, but they might want to change the language.. i can't really understand some of it. anyway, it's nice. =)