bicara dari hati

berapa kali dipujuk hati, "jangan dilayan rasa sakit itu." tapi degilnya hati, tetap juga sakit, dipujuk lagi hati, "hati, jangan berdegil." namun, degilnya hati, tetap dengan rasa sakitnya juga. sudahlah hati, kau seorang yang merasa sakit itu, orang lain tidak tahu, tahan sahajalah, sudah tidak lama, selepas ini, lepaskan segala, terbanglah kau ke langit, biar disana dan jangan turun lagi, tiada siapa yang tahu.

alhamdulillah, kawad dpt no 2. beza markah cme 2.5 je =) nmpk x kehebatan kami, bdk KRS? hahaha~ riak plak dh. tp memg bersyukur, coz tinggal 1 je lg assignment.. lps ni, leh concentrate pd exam plak. harapnya masih boleh naikkn lagi mrkh sewktu exam.. in sha Allah, akn diusahakan. mohon doa~

sakittt~~ langsung x leh gerak. bahagian betis tu keras. n sakit dia tu bagaikan kaki tu dipulas sehabis pulas. last time kne mse prgi PICC tu.. kne mse tdo plak tu. memg menangis. everytime kne pun mst menangis cewek betul =.=' tp serius owhhhh,  memg sakit, Allah, brtahan T.T

ok, kali ni sy nk meluahkan rasa mengenai telefon. umum tahu yg semua org mempunyai telefon bimbit. kadang bkn satu tetapi 2. tak cukup telefon bimbit, beli pula samsung / android tab. tapikan, yg menjadi masalah, bila ada telefon tp x prnh dpt nk dihubungi. perghhh, menyirap rasa hati. kalau x de kredit/ silent phone, kita boleh phm lg. tp ni bkn jenis suka silence phone tp memg susah dihubungi. dhlh susah dihubungi, asyik tkr2 no lg. sedar diri menyusahkan org tp still nk buat jgk. phm x, org call bkn nk sje mengacau, org call sbb ada urusan. kau pergi tkr no, kdg tu dlm 2/3 kali sebulan, menyusahkn org tau. kau buat apa dgn no2 tu? ishhh, geram tau x. sy pun bknnye jnis angkt telefon sgt coz sy slalu silent. tp paling kurang, sy x tukar no bnyk2. tlglh, tlg jgn buat mcm ni. if ada kecemasan, memg nahaslah. ni bkn nk mendoa tp nk jelaskn situasi kecemasan, mcm ibu bapa/ famili laen excident, tp kita unreachable, tau pun lpas org lain kne dtg n inform, x ke meny

kau nk tau apa aku rsa?  aku rse mcm kne tikam dgn blkg.  dgn org yg aku fikir kwn.  seriuslah, aku x phm apa sbnrnya dlm otak kau. aku ckp baik2,  ko bls bahasa kasarkn? aku mnx baik2, ko bls dgn cara kasarkn? boleh jekan kau ckp baik2.  ko fikir aku ni apa?  barang permainan sesuka hati kau? kau nk minx tlg, kau baik2 dgn aku. selain dr masa tu, kau buat taik dgn aku? lps ni, ikutlh apa kau nk. mls dh aku nk lyn.  kau pergi minx dgn wanita pujaan kau tu. yg baik mcm angel tu. aku ni mcm jntan, jd x lyk untuk diminta tlg.  penat je aku pujuk hati selama ni, walau kau lyn atau ckp kasar mcm mne pun, aku boleh nmpk kebaikan kau. tp rsanya cukuplah. smpai sini je aku boleh brtahan.  kau dan aku kosong.  lepas ni, kita dh x de pape.  baik kawan atau apa.

this is the lesson i learnt today: 1. when you are in group, do your share of work. it's a group work. of coz you had to do some of the work. if you are not around to help, ask them about the progress AND OFFER FOR HELP. while it may not be satisfying to those who bend their back to finish the work, they will think that you are responsible enough to ask around. DO NOT ACT STUPID. i wish i can tell what i think to those people buttt i wan't even that hardworking enough, so i lost my guts to say that. 2. it is much better to be known as  a blunt person. i prefer this than bottling up. but in my 8 years working around people, i had come to learnt that society takes too much notice in whatever you do and say. so i started to learn in bottling feelings. i wasn't like that before. i will be blunt because i want people to know that i am being honest (in a way). how i yearn to be like what i used too. right now, i would say it is too late (maybe) to start being blunt again.

you know what?  i don't even know what is wrong here. all i felt is i made a mistake. again. yes, again. i am emo, i am sarcastic.  i am too fierce. i am too flighty. you know what i get from all this?  i get the feeling of being too troublesome.  just like what a person said to me, "sometimes, i am too used of being used, too used of being hurt, too used of being laughed, too used to hold it in, i lost my heart."   (A, 2013)  but, i am not letting this takes me down. i don't care anymore, do whatever you want. say whatever you want. i am me,  i am trying, n  how much tears i shed in the past, am shedding right now or will shed in the future, i will try to be me and happy. we are done here.

hahaha~  yup,  today's topic is going to be about Romeo n Juliet ;) well,  today, around 45 - 52 of us (B.Ed Tesl 2) went to KLPAC to see this performance.  oh wow, it was really nice andddddd shocking~ y? it's a secret. sorry, people. it was too scandalous to be written here.  but,  i swear it was something interesting ;P  went there by car, juz me, shakir, pau2 n val.  supposedly, nanun came too but she had some family problem. overall, i gave 10 / 10 due to the scandalous scenes and the good interpretation of the play, but they might want to change the language.. i can't really understand some of it. anyway, it's nice. =)

seriously, the capital letters show how overwhelm i am right now. how very angry i am right now, and how very sick i am right now. i know i am supposed to calm and redha with everything, but somehow everything mashed up together and create this big giant bubble of problem. you know, i have my own principles. everything i do, did and done for any other people, i will and will always try to think on every single facet. however, this is different if it is regarding my actions. i know other people act differently and you can't expect them to follow you, but can the other people stop and think of other people? you are juz making everything hard. you wanted so much but you want to give so little. what is that man? it doesn't work in this world. Allah, i am so pissed off right now i wanted to scream or at least hurt that other inconsiderate people. i know you are busy but other people are busy too. so, please understand. i know whenever i encounter this problem, my

Jadilah seperti: 1) Siti Aminah Binti Abdul Wahab :Tabah dan kuat emosi 2) Siti Khadijah Binti Khuwailid : Usahawan dermawan 3) Siti Aisyah Binti Abu Bakar : Jelitawan ilmuwan 4) Siti Hajar : Patuh dan tabah 5) Siti Sarah : Sanggup berkorban dan redha 6) Fatimah Az-Zahra binti Muhammad : Tawadhu' dan zuhud 7) Siti Zulaikha : Sayang kerana dan daripada Allah  8) Asma' Binti Abu Bakar : Berani dan bertakwa 9) Asiah Binti Muzahim : Utuh iman 10) Siti Rahmah : Setia yang abadi '' Dan yang paling penting..jadilah seperti Nabi Muhammad s.a.w yang Berakhlak Mulia '

Alhamdulillah, praise Allah, part 1 LGA 3103 @ Stories for Young Learners had finished. went to Sek. Keb. Sri Anggerik. the kids were very nice and quiet. so, i dun really encounter much problem. now,  all i have to do is reflection~ in sha Allah, will try to do it as soon as possible. so, let's focus with the rest:  List of Assignement to be hand in: 1. reflection writing 2. reflection camp 3. reflection stories 4. reflection KH 5. lesson plan ToG 6. SDP file

ya Allah, ya Rabb. mohon beri ruang bernafas. saya tahu, saya masih tidak sesibuk orang yang berjawatan tinggi, dan saya cukup tahu, saya sebenarnya hanya memberi alasan, alasan dari mulut yang bising berkata masa tidak mencukupi, tapi masih ada ruang untuk bergelak. *sila tampar diri sendiri malu rasa diri ini melihat orang yg benar-benar sibuk, yang perlu bergerak sana - sini, dengan kertas kerja, kerja tutorial, dan macam - macam lagi di tangan, telefon di telinga, masih mampu senyum dan menyiap segalanya walau kadang, gugur juga air mata kepenatan. sedang diri ini yang masih punya waktu senggang, cuma mampu beri alasan. x tahu malu! * sila tampar diri sendiri  jadi, sedarkan diri sendiri. jangan terus hanyut. siapkan segala yang penting. amanah terletak tinggi di bahu.